Thursday, 6 June 2013

Leaving



Leaving. No matter what, the simple fact of leaving the places I've been living in is always difficult and always happens too fast in one way or another.

First time I left my country was probably really sad, not that I remember it very well but it was the first time I left my family for a long period. The very first time was even supposed to be definitive and I was not supposed to come to France for my studies. Happened that it turned out to be very different in the end and that I came back.

Leaving Great-Britain a couple of years ago have certainly not been easy. There is this almost indescribable feeling you have before leaving, just a few days before it actually happens.  I almost felt guilty for leaving; it feels like you are leaving all those people you got to know behind. You know that for some of them you won’t ever see them again. You won’t see some places you used to see every day anymore. You also need to break those habits you took, because after a couple of months living there you just don’t live like you used to. This is very nostalgic, guilty, sad feeling and also very relieving and happy to know you’ll be back in the place that saw you growing up.

I lived this again a second time. Leaving Germany in 2012 was something bound to happen. I knew my place was not supposed to be there even though I dreamt so many times of staying and living in this country. I had to leave to experience new things, study and become myself a bit more. Still I left some friends behind and stayed in touch with some really dear ones. Leaving Germany was not so sad and guilty as what it felt like the first time I had to do this.

Now, I am to leave for the third time. The UK has always brought me so much in my life. Has it been good or bad, this country has always been a synonym of change. I am leaving in a couple of days, and this exact same feeling is coming back again. I am supposed to leave, I made my time here, had some tough ones and leaving is just a huge relief. But I also feel really sad; I love this country to the very core of its soul. I feel guilty that I am leaving it again, that I could not enjoy it as much as I wanted.

I know this is not the last time I am abroad, I know my life is going to be travel orientated and I know for a reason I will be living in an English speaking country for longer than I can yet imagine.

I hate leaving all the time for so many years. Getting used to people, life and country and then leave straight after. I just want to settle down somewhere for a bit and leave whenever I feel it is about time to just go back “home” (when I mean “Home”, I mean France). Life got me from one side of Europe to another for so many years, it feels like leaving GB right now is a sign that somehow there is a huge improvement coming. I think I am just really a grown up now and it’s just time to do grown up stuff like settling down somewhere for a bit.

To those who believe life does not change or that it is just unfair. The wheel does turn because life is about being a cat. It’s about always getting back on our paws when something is happening: may it be good or bad.

I have to say that coming back to the place you are from is also a big challenge. People expect you to be cool and telling them about what you lived and be happy about the fact you are back (yes even if you complained about being abroad does not mean you are any happier to be back… awkward). This is what scares me the most at the moment, I know how I felt last year when I came back from Germany, I felt like I was out of all of this, different from my friends, completely away when they were sometimes talking to me, almost transparent to the situation. It was like when you imagine yourself dying and trying to see what your friends would be like without you, this is how it felt. No one really understands why you are grumpy or unhappy or even slightly depressed, but it’s like being jet lagged and thrown in somewhere you don’t belong to anymore. You’re out of the system.

So to my lovely friends and family, don’t hate me in the coming weeks if I am just not accepting to see you, it’s not being out of love for you. It’s just me getting back to normal life, getting back to what my life used to be 6 months ago, adapting to the person I am now just because I don’t want to lose you all by being a bitch around you.

Saturday, 25 May 2013

Missing him


This is going to be another late night, one more in this country.

For months I have been trying to be stiff upper lip. But tonight I feel like listening good old Keane.
Tough, this is what it has always been about, well sometimes it has to be different; sometimes I want to be the one who gives up.

Those months apart have thrown me right on the floor, I just want to lay down in your warmth and feel love all around us.

I want to feel like there is nothing else but us on the Earth, I am so tired. There are no strong enough words, because you became this one person on this planet that is more important than the rest.

Because what you mean is more than just words, you are a whole thing; you wrap me up in your words like no one else. There is nothing more magical than you.

This is how the world is without you, colourless and empty, meaningless and purposeless. I used to fight a whole world of nonsense by myself. I liked to walk alone like a lonely wolf and make my own experience all by myself without really paying attention to whom I was with. 

You turned the whole thing differently now, it is somehow comforting to know you will be the one I will walk with on that path, that you will always be here to hold my hand, have my back. I believe in us, although on those lonely nights I feel dead alone and I do not want to ever feel like that. 

Love is the answer; my return will be the end of this heart struggle and loneliness.


Sunday, 17 February 2013

A tous ces "toi"...



Il y a certaines choses que je ne voudrais jamais oublier
Des sentiments qui ne devraient jamais s’envoler, des choses que l’on ressent et que l’on oublie. 
Des moments de la vie qui ne devraient même pas disparaître dans la lumière du temps. 
Ces choses que j’ai vécu avec « toi », ou « toi » et un autre « toi ».
Des choses que j’aimerai toujours malgré tout, malgré le fait que certains « toi » soit partit ou n’est plus là. 
Parce que dans chaque « toi » il y a un peu de « moi » et que chaque « toi » est encore un peu en « moi ». 
Sache que n’importe quel nouveau « il » ne remplacera jamais n’importe quel « toi ». 
Car chacun de ces « toi » a un jour eu son importance dans ce vaste océan de la vie.



A tous ces « toi » qui font que je suis « moi »…

Monday, 31 December 2012

2013


C’est dans une frénésie totale que le monde entre en 2013. Nous laissons derrière nous tout (ou presque) ce qui nous a poursuivie toute l’année. On se permet des folies, des rêveries, on se permet d’espérer voir même de flirter avec l’optimisme! 

Chaque année passe et rien ne trépasse, nos habitudes sont toujours là bien ancrées et pourtant certains d’entre nous rêvent encore de changer, d’être plus aimant, plus attentionné, plus coriace. L’idéal serait de devenir parfait en une nuit : la merveilleuse nuit du réveillon.

Or, nous savons déjà tous comment cette nouvelle année va commencer, la quasi-totalité des terriens sera saoul jusqu’à la moelle, j’entends déjà les sirènes des pompiers retentirent au loin... Mais pas seulement ; certains seront plus sages et seront au lit peu après minuit. D’autres se rappelleront de ce jour toute leur vie, le jour où ils ont rencontré l’amour de leur vie à la soirée de leur meilleur ami, ou la venue d’un nouveau petit être.

Nous savons que ce jour n’est pas forcément plus spécial que les autres, nous le rendons spécial par ce que nous vivons et avec qui nous le vivons. 2012 est enfin fini, laissons-nous bercer par l’espoir, l’optimisme. Bon réveillon, soyez heureux, aimez et… faites un vœux !

Bonne année 2013 !

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Before we all end up


The end is near, or at least that is what some people believe. So far it could be true but I do not see the whole Earth against Planet collapsing, Tsunami and other catastrophes as such happening in just one day.
This is what I believe could happen and all the things I would like to tell to the people if there was ever something happening.

We have seen wars in Middle East and in other parts of the world happening more and more, being more intense and helpless. The so called “civilized world” has also come to a point where poor people are so poor they cannot even afford to pay for food or for a roof.

If we have a deep sight into things, more and more people have died, at least it feels like it has increased. Tsunami devastating Japan’s coasts in 2011. Crisis happening pretty much all around the world, Mali, Syria, Europe… It is indeed a very pessimistic vision of the world some us have and we can somehow be entitled to expect a change. Expect something that will make it different.

So to all of those people I loved and love, there might not be anything happening in three days, but who knows, who can predict how life will be. Things always come up at the least expected moment (even though this is an expected-unexpected moment). I want to tell you I was pleased to be part of your life, I am sorry for those I hurt, those I left down.

[Laugh] sorry, that was just awkward, come one guys! This is not the end of the world happening. Yes... well, we do not know about this but the world cannot end up like that. Just like God was tired of us and blew on us like a candle on fire… The best that could happen is at least a change of mentality, some people should be erased from the Earth or to be in a more peace and love mood, everybody should be changed into Hippies! 
So to you my friends I declare that on that very special day every one of us on this round Earth should make love (or give love)!

Happy end of the world 2012! (who knows maybe there will be another one in 2013!?)

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

No name ...


Yesterday, François Hollande, the French president was in Lyon; third biggest city of France for some French-Italian treaty. Being from this city, it automatically affected me. Police patrols everywhere, it was somehow quite impressive and one does not expect to see that when they get out of their train …Then I got all excited about it, I thought that maybe I would meet him, not like I would be “Hey sir could I shake your hand and have a kiss?!” Being naïve enough, yes I believed I could maybe meet him and change something in the world. A question came to my mind “what if you actually had the “chance” to meet the president, what would you ask to him then?”

Quite honestly, I’ve been thinking about it and I still wonder, he is just some kind of man, sure he is the French president but what could he do for our world to change? What could he do for our country, for France? I see it all coming, my country is just becoming desperate. When listening to the news, I hear people dying at every corner of France, it is not like it has never been so, but some places are more dangerous. I feel somehow useless not being able to do anything for the world to go better, I am not an angel and I cannot pretend to spread love and peace all around me which I would surely love to do if I knew that I am actually this kind of person that never hates and never talks wrong about my neighbour… I would tell him that, that I feel useless and that there is so much that would need to be changed or just erased and started all over again!

Dear Mister President,

I have never written any letter to a president, at least not that important. I am a young person in this world and I am worried of what the world is turning into.

I fear those wars in Middle East, I wonder if peoples of Europe will be touched by what is happening there. I wonder how the people there will survive, I think about those children that are dying in the torment of the war, I wonder if some children will just see their parents again. When I think about that it makes me believe I am lucky to be in France because we are not living this but on the other hand we have our own battles, our own social issues, death is not what we have to fight but have to fight against other demons.

I also wonder how French people will cope with this situation we are in. You came to power less than ten months ago and maybe we should not expect too much of the first few months. How are you going to make our country go better, how will you fix our economy so that it still works in ten years and more if possible. How can you ensure that people who have a job today will still have it tomorrow?

How can you be sure that us, people of France will still benefit of health, education and security. You said yourself during the campaign that it was about time to change and I understand very well the fact there are things we cannot change but there are things have been on for already too long in our countries. Do you find that it is normal that a country like ours requires charity association to help more and more people every year? People cannot even pay their food anymore, they cannot live under a proper roof, they cannot pay their bills, and how do you explain this situation? How come we do not have work in our country anymore? Do you have some proper plan to sort it out?

I know you are not some kind of Roosvelt president and I know that the crisis we are now living has got nothing to do with the one we had in the 20’s. I know the world is a complicated and sick machine and I regret this because I believe in humanity and I believe it could be a lot easier than it is. I am probably like any citizen of this world, I am scared of the future, scared for my country, for the people I care about and the people I don’t know, I am scared for our planet for the people that will be and for the rest of us.

I wish you good luck in your task, I wish you could do something good for all of us, something the rest of the world or at least the French people will remember for a long time. Something that would change the way we see our world. Make it brighter. You are not a miracle, you are just a man but sometimes one man can do so much. I don’t believe that there can just be a good or a bad side in someone, so I believe that you will do good and bad but hopefully more good than bad …

I do not believe this letter will change the world, but at least now I feel that I spoke out what was on my mind. I hope you read well, I hope that maybe when you do something you will think about the rest of the French population and not just think about the other politics, about the power you have, I hope you will be aware and fair in your choices. I hope that you will make a change.

Some citizen

Friday, 2 March 2012

Politically engaged ?

Soon the people of France will elect their new leader. The first round of the Presidential election will begin on the 22nd of April, if no candidate is not majoritarily elected after this first part, a second round will take place on the 6th of May. As to inform those who are un-informed about how France is governed, every five years French people elect a new President. The last election was held in 2007, N.Sarkozy, UMP was elected at 53.06% against the first French female who ever went so far in French election history: S.Royal Leader of the French left Party in 2007: Parti Socialiste.

As a free democracy, anyone from the two sides of the hemicycle who gathers over 500 signatures can challenge the election. The French are always torn between two consequent political parties. On the right with UMP (Union pour un Mouvement Populaire renamed so by J.Chirac in 2002, President from 1995 to 2007) and on the left with the Parti Socialiste, led this year by F.Hollande. 

The French economic situation is enduring one of the hardest time since the Second World War.
Nicolas Sarkozy, the French president has been good and bad for many reasons. 

The World Crisis started in 2008, the whole world did not expect to live such hard times. Financially ruined societies which shut down, people losing their only sources of income.  It spread all over the world and was soon to be in Europe and France. People did not notice it the first few months, they started to endure the consequences of the global crisis in 2009 and 2010. The world had no choice but to react.
[The French crisis is still on. France lost the third A from Standards and Poors in January "A downgrade could automatically require some investment funds to sell bonds of affected states, making those countries' borrowing costs rise still further"interview from CNBC of John Wraith, Fixed Income Strategist at Bank of America Merrill Lynch.] 
France eventhough it is down succeeded not to be too much damaged and thanks to Sarkozy, France has now a better status in Europe than ever. 
Sarkozy is similar as a ship captain who can only handle his people in hard times. He is far from being a patient man, he is pro-active, he cannot prevent himself from moving and he always needs to be everywhere and I think he likes difficulties. He and A.Merkel work on getting Europe back on its feet. 
Their policy is simple: austerity measures. Greece, Italy, France, Austria have to make an effort and reduce their expence. In my opinion, government should control banks in a better way in order to ask less to the peoples of Europe and not ask them to make up for the mistakes of only a few men.

On the other hand and eventhough some problems appeared before his first mandat, it feels as if everything while he was the President has been emphasized.

The gap between social classes widened under Sarkozy. The middle social class crushed under amounts of taxes. A working family composed of two adults and three children, who used to live well is now unable to pay their bills, they cannot pay the heater and stay in their appartment almost dying out of cold if they can still allow themselves to pay for a decent place to live in. Some are left in their cars with nothing to left. 
The Crisis is the main poverty componant but not only. Here are the number of "Les resto du Coeur" organisation which help people in need. They provide free food to the most needy mainly during winter but also during the whole year to make sure they can help and follow families as well as help some people to find a new work or motivate them. 
The numbers in 2000 was of 55 000 meals served on a whole year. Nowadays, numbers doubled, more than a thousand meals have been given to unfortunate people, this shows the pauperization of the country. Most of French people say that being from the middle class means that they pay for the poor and because they are considered as too rich to have any money from the government, they do not have any help, they work just the same as before but something happened". So what did happen? 
Sarkozy and the others because of their policy left all the big companies abandon the French floor. 
Factories left the country for East European countries or Spain because it is to expensive to pay an employee and to produce in France (Peugeot, Renault …).
China and India became the new productive countries attracting thousand companies to work there. Every profession that the middle class had in France are now over those countries. 
Sarkozy made a promise to the French people during the presidential campaign: that no one would be left aside, that he would lower the unemployement average to 5%, in 2011 the rate is at 9.4%, the Crisis is still here but it does not explain everything, what happened ?
  
Sarkozy wanted to be the man of every situations. When he was minister of the interior under J.Chirac from 2002 till 2007, he showed that he was the biggest policeman of France. He went to the outskirts of Paris and said he would wash the bad people from there, how can a politican man say that? 
[For years governments have been trying to assimilate people comming from abroad to France, without any success, but the problem does not come from the 70's, De Gaulle made it so, thinking that the people we brought in our country to build it up back were only going to stay a year or so and then go back to where they are from ... 
We cannot possibly rebuild the world now, but we can try and fix it, respect of the other, acknowledge each cultures starting at school. Someone who has never had the chance to live abroad as a foreigner cannot understand how it feels, of course efforts have to be done on both sides, by learning the language and get involved in the society you live in.]
Racism has increased because of Sarkozy, numbers comming from organisation against racism clearly show it: 49% of the French people asked in 2010 think that foreigners benefit of any help comming from the government. Every problem that French society has is either because of the muslim part of France, Jewish or Black community. It is easy to focus on a group and highlight them, this way, we do not need to see what is the real problem and we do not try to solve it. But any mistake a person of this group will do, it will be emphasized times ten. We had rebellions in Lyon in October 2010 and then in other part of France. No this was not fair to break everything around and just show the population that all of what sarkozy said was right. But isn't there some kind of problem in the French society ? Why is the foreign youth that exasperated that they want to break everything ? They are forgotten by the French government.
Sarkozy is an old fashion catholic man, there is no new real ideas comming from him. He is just going on, he keeps doing what has been done for over thirty years but the world has changed, people have changed too. Generation from the 60's changed the french society and we cannot just forget it. Sarkozy is a stubborn man, he wants to follow the American system.

Sarkozy worships the American dream. He first declared his friendship to the United Stated of America in the first speech he gave the evening of his election "I want to confirm our friendship to the American people and that they can be sure we will by their side". For five years, he built up a new system based on the American one. Every social rights the country had for over thirty years, he slowly removed them. 
He said he would never change the 35 hours of work a week but by launching this famous moto "Work more to earn more". This worked for private companies and non-governmental ones, but for people working for the government such as nurses, policemen, teachers … Working more did not make any difference in the end of the month. Most of those people found that unfair and went to work in private hospital or schools to earn more. This leads to privatisation of every public services. Does it mean that now going to hospital when they really need it going to be completely out of price, or does it mean that if they want good teachers for their children they will need to pay private schools, does this mean that government service is to deteriorate? 
France is now part of Nato, organisation that we had left in 1966 because De Gaulle thought we were not part of the conflict between the USA and the USSR. We never wanted, before Sarkozy to join it, why to join it ? Sarkozy wanted to prove to the world that France is not dead, that it can still fight and that it is still a country that can take part in major war decision. De Gaulle did not want to be submitted to the USA and take part in wars where France should not be such as Afghanistan. 
But it seems as if Sarkozy likes to be a sheep and follow. Sarkozy as a tiny man makes a big inferiority complex, he is like the frog that would like to be bigger than the bull.


Sarkozy made it clear during his campaign in 2007, he wanted to reform French system. The main idea of Sarkozy is that to save money, we had to save it thanks to the public services such as Safety, Education and Healthcare.
Safety is one of Sarkozy' word. He used it a lot, but he forgot to mention that in some part of France and because of his suppression of 100 384 policemen in between 2004 and 2012 completely raised the insecurity in the countryside or in the city's outskirts. For a Conservative man, he did worse than socialist in the 80's. How can just a little amout of men handle a whole country, knowing that the government is always more and more demanding. It is of course leading to stress and over reaction. 
As the president, all of what Sarkozy did is suppress work in the country: more than 66 000 teachers were not replaced after they retired. Less and less teachers so the students average is not as good as before and the level of literate children is lower and lower and the expectations did not change if they did not raised. How can a child possibly learn everything in such a short lapse of time? With so many pupils in a classroom ? 
Same goes for Health care. At least 70 000 health workers have not been replace when retiring. Making the patients and their family worry about the quality of the service. To be a nurse implies a social work where you need to take time to talk to the people you are taking care of. To answer their question, comfort them when they are afraid, if there is too much work and not enough nurses how are they supposed to take care of those people in pain. 

With Sarkozy all of what France has known is restriction restriction and restriction ... Yes, it is needed. But, when you see that the president has been buying a private jet for 23,4 million euros, that for five years he has been everywhere in France spending tones of money each time he was in South of France or anywhere he though he was needed. 
There has been restriction but not for everybody, the government needs to change. 
When a European deputy is not going to the parliament he is still paid, what for ? Indeed they are here to serve the people and make our lives fair and useful but if they are just corrupted men then we should get rid of them, if someone works in a supermarcket and only comes once in while, what would the boss do? Just fire him, we cannot waste money, but the government is ! 

A president should be in his office and not moving all the time, he has not been listenning to the French he has been out of breath all the time. To make a good work, you have to make one thing after another, and not all at the same time, hence why we have ministers. Gould we say Sarkozy was our Little Napoleon III of modern times ?

N.B: This article has been written far before the election took place and I did not know yet who was to be after N.Sarkozy. 
Also, my dear friend will recognise himself when reading this, I am sorry for all the English grammar mistakes I made and did not correct ...