Life is about choice, wether we want it or not, we can't escape it.
Wether we choose the good looking path way or the one that looks scary and painful, we have to make up our mind because we can't just stand up at the gate for ages.
Sometimes life will push us forward towards things we didn't want to follow in the past, just because we have to save our own skin.
Either we live with the regret of not having done it or having done it, just do it !
Like my philosophy teacher used to say, we are all looking for happiness, and at some point we do find it, at least we think we did, but it's just when we're over this moment that we finally realise that we were happy with what we had and that patience and wisdom are our best allies.
Don't think just act ...
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Saturday, 14 May 2011
The joy of being the eldest child of the family ... Ô Joy !
We're 6.92 billion of human on the Earth, that gives so many chances for a new born to be the eldest child of the family. Being the first child of the family is always seen as a privilege, a chance that the other born children of the family won't be able to experiment.
But there are several points proving that this particular role is just too demanding for a child.
I have had the chance in the past to meet friends who where the first offspring and being one myself will of course bias this article.
What I have been observing in many cases, is that so many times the first child is seen as the fundamental element of the family, he has got to be the best and show no weaknesses, he has got to be strong no matter what he is facing in his life and everything he is trying has got to be a success. There is only so much hopes that is put into the eldest child of the family (well not to mention that parents often see this first child as the "experiment child") that it sometimes feels too heavy for such fragile shoulders.
We sometimes feel as if there are so many things that are asked to us, we have to succeed our studies and be brilliant, of course being the eldest made our parents so proud that they wanted us to have the best results at school, to never get away from the right path, always do things correctly and do everything that a second child would not be asked to do( as said previously "experiment child", of course we are asked a lots of things, but they are also many advantages, we can test things first and that makes us unique in our own way).
In my case, if of course I can take myself as an example, I have had to intend this Sunday classroom for Catholic children, because my grandmother wanted to have at least her first grandchild to be a real Catholic. I did my first and second confirmation even though I hated it. I don't remember at any moment being asked "we know you don't like it, would you like to stop it ?", no, as a first child I had to be the best, keep it quiet and do it.
I also feel as if, being the first child means that whatever your parents ask you, you have to say yes, whatever you will find unfair you have to undergo without saying a word. I felt that a lot when I became a teenage and still now I am becoming an adult, no matter what I will be asked, I cannot say no, my brother can, and if he does not want to do something, it is alright because they can always ask it to me because I am not really allowed to say "no".
Same for education: I have been taught to always be polite, not to be rude in front of adults ... always be sensible in front of people, smile and be kind (I'm not saying this is wrong, I like to be well educated rather than rude), but if I stop for a minute and have a look at my brother, he is just the contrary of what I have been taught ...
There are so many frustrating things, because of my parents divorcing and me being the eldest; they thought I was old enough to help both of them to overcome the situation: to be able to understand the pain of each other, to protect my brother and my sister and in the process just take care of myself and pass my exams brilliantly or they would not have been happy.
When I think about it, it feels as if being the eldest is the hardest role I could ever play in my life, I have been given the worst place. I always have to show the example to the others "stop being an idiot you are twenty even your brother does not do that". But I am a human being as well, I also like to have fun, I like to enjoy myself responsibly and be stupid, say whatever goes through my mind when I want to.
I like to be a baby when I want to and an adult when it is required, because if I don't enjoy myself right now, what will I be when I turn 40 ? Will I just blow a fuse because I was somehow in a straightjacket ?
In the end it always feels as if I have been asked to grow faster because I had this role to play, I have had to be more mature than the others and get things fast.
I do not regret this so much now, I grew up and understood it is not always so wrong to be the eldest because I can try whatever I want, I am mature enough to take the risks of choosing for myself because my role gave me this capacity to be quick sighted and aware of what is around me.
But there are several points proving that this particular role is just too demanding for a child.
I have had the chance in the past to meet friends who where the first offspring and being one myself will of course bias this article.
What I have been observing in many cases, is that so many times the first child is seen as the fundamental element of the family, he has got to be the best and show no weaknesses, he has got to be strong no matter what he is facing in his life and everything he is trying has got to be a success. There is only so much hopes that is put into the eldest child of the family (well not to mention that parents often see this first child as the "experiment child") that it sometimes feels too heavy for such fragile shoulders.
We sometimes feel as if there are so many things that are asked to us, we have to succeed our studies and be brilliant, of course being the eldest made our parents so proud that they wanted us to have the best results at school, to never get away from the right path, always do things correctly and do everything that a second child would not be asked to do( as said previously "experiment child", of course we are asked a lots of things, but they are also many advantages, we can test things first and that makes us unique in our own way).
In my case, if of course I can take myself as an example, I have had to intend this Sunday classroom for Catholic children, because my grandmother wanted to have at least her first grandchild to be a real Catholic. I did my first and second confirmation even though I hated it. I don't remember at any moment being asked "we know you don't like it, would you like to stop it ?", no, as a first child I had to be the best, keep it quiet and do it.
I also feel as if, being the first child means that whatever your parents ask you, you have to say yes, whatever you will find unfair you have to undergo without saying a word. I felt that a lot when I became a teenage and still now I am becoming an adult, no matter what I will be asked, I cannot say no, my brother can, and if he does not want to do something, it is alright because they can always ask it to me because I am not really allowed to say "no".
Same for education: I have been taught to always be polite, not to be rude in front of adults ... always be sensible in front of people, smile and be kind (I'm not saying this is wrong, I like to be well educated rather than rude), but if I stop for a minute and have a look at my brother, he is just the contrary of what I have been taught ...
There are so many frustrating things, because of my parents divorcing and me being the eldest; they thought I was old enough to help both of them to overcome the situation: to be able to understand the pain of each other, to protect my brother and my sister and in the process just take care of myself and pass my exams brilliantly or they would not have been happy.
When I think about it, it feels as if being the eldest is the hardest role I could ever play in my life, I have been given the worst place. I always have to show the example to the others "stop being an idiot you are twenty even your brother does not do that". But I am a human being as well, I also like to have fun, I like to enjoy myself responsibly and be stupid, say whatever goes through my mind when I want to.
I like to be a baby when I want to and an adult when it is required, because if I don't enjoy myself right now, what will I be when I turn 40 ? Will I just blow a fuse because I was somehow in a straightjacket ?
In the end it always feels as if I have been asked to grow faster because I had this role to play, I have had to be more mature than the others and get things fast.
I do not regret this so much now, I grew up and understood it is not always so wrong to be the eldest because I can try whatever I want, I am mature enough to take the risks of choosing for myself because my role gave me this capacity to be quick sighted and aware of what is around me.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Random at Midnight.
Rather than speak, I will just keep it quiet deep inside me.
Because I can't put a word of what it is that is going wrong.
It often feels like something is empty and not turning right.
Talk is the hardest way and because I don't want to hurt people and myself in the process I prefer to shut up most of the things shouting in my head and heart.
Most of the time I hurt myself against a huge wall, make the same mistake over and over again, seems like I can't take the lesson for what it is. Tiring myself.
I don't want to sound lame, like all those poor people that seem to be sad and depressed, I live normal life, but so many things block me and make me face a wall I can't yet overcome.
Sometimes, I feel like I can't make up my mind, I feel terribly lost in my huge conscience.
I feel like this person Keane are always talking about in their songs.
Bed time, night' all !!
Because I can't put a word of what it is that is going wrong.
It often feels like something is empty and not turning right.
Talk is the hardest way and because I don't want to hurt people and myself in the process I prefer to shut up most of the things shouting in my head and heart.
Most of the time I hurt myself against a huge wall, make the same mistake over and over again, seems like I can't take the lesson for what it is. Tiring myself.
I don't want to sound lame, like all those poor people that seem to be sad and depressed, I live normal life, but so many things block me and make me face a wall I can't yet overcome.
Sometimes, I feel like I can't make up my mind, I feel terribly lost in my huge conscience.
I feel like this person Keane are always talking about in their songs.
Bed time, night' all !!
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